I am really impatient. I had a talk with a friend yesterday and expressed for probably the thousandth time that I really desire to pour myself completely into ministry. We came to the same conclusion that we always do whenever we have this discussion, "It's not God's timing yet." I know this in my head, but I don't know that I really live it. This goes beyond my desires to be fully in ministry, it pours into every aspect of my life. I know God works in His time. I know that He uses things to prepare us for what is next. I know that things cannot always happen just because I want them to. Yet, I go against the things I "know" and continue to be impatient. I want things to happen now. Meanwhile, it is not as though nothing at all is happening in my life. Things are busy and my time is full of many good things. So why am I so discontent?
God takes his time and prepares us for what He has planned for us. I feel like a piece of metal being hammered out over an anvil. I am being stretched, reshaped and smoothed out in rough places. I fight against this process of preparation though, but God continues to do His work. In times like yesterday's talk with my friend, I realize that God is moving, He is preparing things and moving things into place. He does it so masterfully, yet I am often blinded by my own selfishness, pride and impatience.
When I was younger and living at home I would help my stepdad with projects out in the garage. One thing that he did a lot was weld; he was always building something. If you know anything about welding you know that it is good to have a fairly clean surface before you weld and that sometimes entails grinding down the two surfaces that will be welded together. I would hold the piece of metal while he ground the metal, looking away as the sparks flew and burnt my arm occasionally. Then, I would hold the two pieces together while he welded them. I had to be very steady, while still looking away from where he was welding. Again, sparks flew and sometimes burnt my arm or went in my ear! By the end, the two pieces were molded together. I say all that because there is great preparation needed for the things God has planned for our lives; cleaning and if needed some grinding. At the end of each season of preparation though, God molds us with the end that He has purposed for us. He is truly a master builder.