I have crawled out of the cave that is my MDIV…for the summer at least. This semester has truthfully been brutal. The classes were not any harder…it really had nothing to do with the school work. I’m just tired. Do you ever have those seasons in life where you just feel like tapping out because it just feels like it is all just a bit too much? I have a year left in school and I will be glad to get to the end.
What have I learned? When things get busy and the pressure is on, I fall apart inside. My spiritual discipline is prone to crumbling. It really exposes my weaknesses. Boy is that uncomfortable and hard to swallow! However, despite all that, there is good in this. I am so hungry for God. I am excited to read, to pray, to Sabbath and to commune with Christ. I am also excited to not only do this personally, but I am excited to do this with my wife. She pays a hefty price for my time in school and she sacrifices a ton if not more at times than I do in this time of preparation for ministry. So I am excited for us to get back on track and see my weak points and build better habits.
It is hard to switch gears in the rhythms of life, but it is very necessary! I am praying for a deeper reliance on Christ, a richer prayer life, a hunger for the scriptures and for Christ’s strength to be made full in me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I have always been drawn to this verse, because it brings such great hope. However, I don’t think that I have always let the truth in this passage be made real in my life. I read this and say “yes God, I am weak, please give me your strength,” and then I go back to trying to fight with my own power. And I wonder why I get so exhausted, feel defeated and frustrated! I am praying that God, in His power, will help me to build reliance on Him. I have felt this at times in my walk with Christ, when I have let myself rely on Him and there is such freedom in that. Funny thing is, is that I am pretty sure God wants our reliance to be on Him. He doesn’t just want it and then stand with His hands on His hips waiting for us to “get there,” He actually helps us get there. And getting there is not getting to a place of peace and comfort that is brought on by happy circumstances in our lives, but in unwavering trust and joy that is deeply rooted in Him.